When you think of marriage, it's easy to romanticize the idea. Everything will be alright once you've met your soul mate. You'll never be alone or disappointed again when it comes to love. However, as long-term commitment becomes a reality, you may begin to believe that something is seriously wrong with you or your relationship if it hasn't lived up to your hopes.
It's for this reason that long-term unions rarely receive assistance. Eventually, they believe they've failed at marriage and begin to think there's no point in trying to improve their relationship. As in any relationship, there will be highs and low points. To avoid feeling like a failure every time reality strikes, you must first know what it looks like. When you and your partner acknowledge your difficulties, you open the door to receiving support and making progress. The following are ten myths about long-term relationships:
Myth #1: You shouldn't feel rejected at any point.
Truth: You and I are two distinct individuals, each with our own unique set of wants, needs, and moods. You'll inevitably reject each other at some point. The most important thing is to allow yourself to feel whatever emotions may arise as a result of this and to practice making each other feel better rather than worse.
Myth #2: You shouldn't have to struggle to connect with your spouse.
Truth: It's easy to get stuck in a long-term relationship. Even if you sit across from each other to watch TV, eat dinner, or read a book every night, you may not feel emotionally connected. We're creatures of habit and familiarity by nature. If you want deep, meaningful conversations with your loved ones, you'll need to push yourself past your limits. A long-term union will necessitate a lot of effort on the part of both parties.
Myth #3: We should all be interested in the same things.
Truth: Indeed, having a few activities you can do with your spouse that you both enjoy is beneficial, but these don't have to be expensive. They can be as simple as going for a walk at night, trying out new recipes, or having a conversation about books or the news. As long as it helps you connect with others, it's a good idea to do whatever you can, even if it's simple.
Myth #4: We should avoid conflict.
Truth: Conflict is an unavoidable part of any human relationship. It's common for two people to disagree because of their differing views, priorities, or desires. To be married to someone who never disagreed with you would be tedious. What matters most is that you pay attention, confirm your suspicions, and then come to an agreement. This may take some time.
Myth #5: We should both be eager to make amends after a fight.
Truth: We all have different temperaments. Some people can return to their pre-event state quickly, while others take a longer time. If your partner takes some time to warm back up to you, it doesn't mean they don't still love you. Knowing what each of you needs to feel safe re-connecting is the most important part of the process
Myth #6: We don't have a "real" marriage if we aren't having sex.
Truth: Long-term relationships also have ups and downs in the bedroom. In this case, it's critical to keep sex in mind. If a couple hasn't had sex in a while, they may think there's no point in trying again. However, if both partners are willing, a dry period in a relationship can quickly turn into a flourishing one. In addition, physical proximity is important, such as holding hands, hugging, or cuddling.
Myth #7: Seeing a therapist for our marital problems indicates that we are having serious problems.
Truth: I see many couples who feel like their marriage is almost over before they schedule an appointment for marital therapy—seeing a therapist can be highly beneficial when you and your spouse are in a rut. It's essential to learn new ways to cope and communicate to prevent things from getting worse and to avoid developing bad habits in the first place in couples therapy. Therapy is not a sign that your marriage is doomed; on the contrary, it can make it run more smoothly.
Myth #8: We should always be together.
Truth: While it's essential to have a partner you enjoy spending time with, healthy couples also have their interests outside their relationship. Your identities may begin to wane, and you may grow to resent one another if there is too much pressure always to be together.
Myth #9: We should all agree on politics and religion.
Truth: Concerning the big issues, it's perfectly acceptable to disagree with your peers. However, the fact that you and your partner aren't clones of one another adds an element of surprise and intrigue. Most importantly, you and your partner can communicate respectfully and feel valued for your thoughts.
Myth #10: When things go wrong, we can't fix them.
Truth: It's easy to get stuck in a marriage if the problems persist for an extended period. Feeling hopeless and depressed is a common side effect of being stuck in a rut. However, remember that marriages are remarkably resilient, so don't give up hope just yet. There are options for a fresh start if you and your partner are open to them. It's an excellent place to start if you and your partner agree to sit together for 30 minutes every night for 30 days without using any technology. Another option is reading a self-help book on marital therapy or starting couples therapy. @via psychologytoday.