I tried to meditate and do yoga to relieve my back pain when there seemed to be no way out, and I didn't know what else to do. So this was the path to healing and a new direction, even if he didn't think it was possible at the moment.
I recall quitting my position at the company. I was both terrified and relieved. I contacted my family and told them that I was fine and that everything was under control, even though what I was doing was insane.
But only in my mind were they all good and beautiful. Since leaving the firm, I had been depressed for six months. I weighed 43 kilograms, and I didn't leave the house, didn't wash, didn't have money, and was at odds with everyone. Despite everyone's best efforts, no one knew how to assist me. I was more terrified than I'd ever been in my life.
I wanted to do something different from what I had done previously, something that has a good influence on the lives of others. By the way, this was a very great thing, but it presented a challenge: I had never spent a single second to my growth until the age of 29, so I had no idea what I enjoyed or, more importantly, what I wanted to accomplish next.
I stayed in this state for a while until one night at 3 a.m., when I woke up crying. That's when I discovered all my negative thoughts, and I had no idea how to change them. I remembered myself from the past, but there was no trace of that person. I couldn't place myself anymore. I from the past was upbeat, busy and full of life.
The first thought that occurred to me was, "What can I do to become at least the person I used to be?" It didn't appear to be a big goal, but it was sufficient to get me out of that pain. After that, I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to leave that I would do anything to get out.
That night also marked the beginning of my outstanding achievement, my awakening. A voice spoke to me, telling me to try to meditate and that everything would be fine.
To get back on track, I'd like to point out that no one around me was meditating or practicing yoga at the time. So I had no idea what it meant to be in touch with your intuition. I knew very little about yoga or meditation. People with their eyes closed and their legs crossed, just like in the movies. So I reasoned, "How difficult can it be?"
I went to work the following day. I waited for my friend to leave for work to meditate in peace. I watched a meditation video on YouTube, sat cross-legged on the floor, closed my eyes, placed my hands on my feet, and said, "OK, that's it, now I'm back."
Obviously, it did not work. Not only did I not know what to do, but I also couldn't keep my back straight, and it hurt terribly. I tried several days in a row. Nothing was happening, but I couldn't help but wonder what was missing from this formula. When my intuition finally spoke up for the first time, I was disappointed.
Thinking about what to do, I understood that I hadn't moved my body in a long time and that my back was perfectly natural to suffer that much. I convinced myself that I should attempt yoga since it may assist me. I pulled a mattress from the closet that I'm not sure how it got there, lay it on the floor, and searched YouTube for "yoga." A girl emerged who looked to know what she was doing and taught yoga lessons for 20-30 minutes. That's just what I needed.
That's when I realized I'd be excellent at it. I'd been a high-performance athlete, and I was confident that I'd do well. Again, where I believed I was and where I was turned out to be two completely different tales. My entire body ached, no matter how minor that action appeared to me at the time. I nearly despised the girl who instructed me to do in such a calm manner. But I persisted. I was positive I was on the right track. I was embarrassed to perform yoga at first, so I practiced in my bedroom. I had the idea that if anyone found out, they would mock me. I continued going because I was terrified and needed anything to get well.
I received a surprise after five days: I discovered that if I do yoga for 20-30 minutes, I feel cheerful. It had been so long since I had felt this that it was a fresh and delightful sensation that encouraged me to keep going. That's how the 90-day challenge I set for myself got started: 90 days of yoga. It wasn't easy, but I kept to my strategy. After those 90 days, I was a changed guy. I was just fine. I knew yoga had benefited me when I was at the lowest point in my life, but I didn't understand how. That's why I participated in a course that led to my certification as a yoga instructor. Throughout this training, I understood that my narrative motivates me and can share it with those who need yoga.
I recall when I was performing yoga, bending over, and seeing my toes. They never appealed to me. My relatives even avoided purchasing sandals as a result of this. But during that session, I noticed my toes and was astonished to hear for the first time that they were cute. I paused for a few seconds: I'd never had this type of conversation with myself before. That's when I discovered that acceptance is the first step toward recovery. Acceptance of everything that is, in whatever form it presents.
