You have something on your mind, and you want to tell the other person how you are and what concerns you. But, unfortunately, the other person is not listening properly, and you do not feel understood.
Unfortunately, most people tend to listen poorly. Good listeners have often completed special training or have made listening to their job. But what does good listening mean anyway? How can you listen better and make someone feel appreciative? In the following, I would like to show you three tips that will help you become better listeners.
1. Listen actively.
Active listening involves eye contact and paraphrasing. It would help if you tried to take the other person's perspective. Bad listeners take in what is said passively - if at all. If you want to listen carefully, you should always give feedback to the other person and reflect on what you have heard in your own words.
For a better understanding, here is the comparison. For example, suppose your buddy tells you that she is very stressed from all the work and the added hassle at home. If you listen poorly, you would reply something like, "Oh, this will pass! I also have a lot on my mind, but at some point, it gets better." Good listening is about showing understanding and empathy. They would be more likely to answer something like, "I'm sorry you're going through a stressful period. It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed. How are you doing exactly with that?" The focus is clearly on the other person. You don't assume how the other person feels, but ask questions - you change your perspective.
2. Don't give rash advice.
It's such a thing with good advice. Many people do not understand when they are asked for advice and when their counterpart wants to be confirmed. So be careful in guidance and only give advice when asked for it. The difference between you and the other person is quite simple: the other person knows the whole story - you don't. You never have the same knowledge of a situation, feelings or actions as your counterpart.
How can you make an informed decision and offer sound advice? We all often fall into the trap of giving free and useless advice, thinking we're helping others. However, it is better to help our counterparts to make the right decision for them. First, recognize whether you are being asked for advice or whether the other person wants confirmation.
3. Communicate without judgment.
Similar to giving advice, caution applies to our internal evaluation processes. This action can be not easy, especially for people who are capable of judgment. When listening, our communication skills should first and foremost be value-free. Listen to any information. Be there for the other person. You never know the whole story; you don't understand why people feel how they think in certain situations. Try to accept this. Be empathetic and seek to put yourself in the other person's position.
How do you react when you find that you are not being listened to carefully?
Would you say about yourself that you are a good listener?
